Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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