its not stalking. its research.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize