i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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