this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's shark week go big or go home
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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