Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm jealous of your bromance
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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