My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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