he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Every concussion has its silver lining
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
