Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
