I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
