I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
