Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
