And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
