I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
