About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
