They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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