wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
