if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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