I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
