Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
