My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
