I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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