she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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