Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You can't just leave with hair like that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
