My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
