My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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