i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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