You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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