can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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