maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
