dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
