I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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