An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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