okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
