if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Randomize
