Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
