Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
