You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
