last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
