so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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