so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
