Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
