'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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