Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize