my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize