Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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