God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
