oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
