worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
