Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
