im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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