god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
