Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
