careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
