She's JV to your varsity
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
