Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize