Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
