why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Holy shit dude........stairs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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