You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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