just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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