I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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