I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
